Dating By Numbers

Hi Parents!

We are starting a new series called, “Dating By Numbers.” It is a three week series intended to give your student a crash course in opposite sex relationships. Here are some helpful pointers in communicating with them during this series and beyond.

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

Let’s be honest. There are more than a few areas in life where a crash course would be helpful. And dating is certainly one of those areas. For a lot of students, dating is something they just fall into—they are old enough to do it, so they do. But just because they are the right age and in the right stage of life, doesn’t mean they know how to go about it. They need to learn the basics. They need to understand the fundamentals. They need a crash course on dating, and we want to give it to them. So the question we want to be answering these next couple of weeks is, if we could pick the top three things we want students to know as they prepare for this season of life where dating plays such a huge role, what would those three things be? What do we look for? How do we know when it is time to end it—and then how do we go about ending it? And what do we do when we find ourselves with single status? These are the basics. Our way of beginning at square one. And the hope is, with the right start, their time spent dating now will set the course for their future relationships in the right direction.

 

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Relationships are a joy. But they can also be painful, devastating, all consuming and overwhelming. As parents, we know this all too well and some of us try to do everything we can to protect our children from the possible pain of breakups, emotional rollercoasters and those girls or guys we are certain are nothing but trouble. In fact, those of us with daughters may joke that there’s no way our little girls will date until they hit 30! But the truth is, they will date eventually and this can be a good thing. What isn’t a good thing is when our kids allow any one relationship to define who they are so much that when the relationship dissolves, they are left broken and feeling like they have lost a sense of who they are. Even worse is when they feel like a failure because of their relational mistakes. And sometimes we as parents do more to make them feel like their mistakes are insurmountable than we do to encourage them with forgiveness.

Geoffrey Canada, an education reformer in Harlem, talks about this in his book “Reaching Up for Manhood.” His important and revolutionary ideas are discussed on the Orange Parents Blog (http://www.orangeparents.org/some-kids-cant-be-forgiven/):

According to Canada, kids need to grow up with a certain level of failure so they can understand it’s possible to move beyond their mistakes. They need to know that they can be forgiven, not only by their parents but by others adults as well.  He says churches can be key in providing the missing ingredient of forgiveness in the lives of kids.

The truth is, there may be no other area where our kids experience more failure than that of their dating relationships.  As a result, there may be no other area where our students are in need of, and desperate for forgiveness, then in the area of their dating relationships. The challenge for us as parents is learning to allow them to fail to some degree, if only so they can consequently learn that we, as their parents, are able to look beyond and move past their mistakes. But like Canada says, this is more than just a message for parents. This is a message the church could and should embrace. And as parents, this means we need to become serious about one of the Five Parenting Principles of Orange: Widening the Circle.

What exactly does “widening the circle” mean? It means that we need to pursue strategic relationships with other trusted adults for our sons and daughters. It means that we widen their community of healthy adults so that when things don’t go as planned with that guy or girl they were sure was “the one,” they aren’t left alone with the relational fall out. It means when they realize they may have made some poor relational choices, they have a support system around them that meets them where they are and encourages them—even in their failure. When our students realize that their sphere of influence, their pool of trusted friends and their support system extends beyond their parents they may be spared some serious scars—not just spared scars from poor relational choices, but scars from not receiving the acceptance and forgiveness they needed from the people they needed it from.

 3. Action Point

We have all needed a second chance or a “do over” when it comes to our relationships. Sometimes, that has meant we needed to walk away and sometimes it meant the relationship has walked away from us and we need to reset who we are.

Share with your teenager a time when you needed to push the “reset” button and get a fresh perspective on a particular relationship or maybe even on yourself.

 Geoffrey Canada says, “We always give (our kids) the message of salvation and forgiveness with our chastisements.”

How can you do this when your teen struggles through a particular relationship? If your teenager has already learned some hard lessons, how did you handle it? Looking back, would you have handled it differently?

 In order to Widen the Circle, we need to point our teens towards those people who can help them come to a healthy self-image and help them find their place in a rich community.

Who are those people in your student’s life who won’t give up on them and who can help them experience forgiveness and encourage them in growth? (Think peers, but also think of other adults too.)

 

Jonathan and Angela

Dear Families,

Yesterday Jonathan and I went for a run at Table Rock Lake and it was 60 degrees. We had on short sleeves in January and we were still overdressed! How unexpected has this weather been? This season is not exactly like we had thought it would be but, I think we are all more than okay with the absence of snow, big puffy coats, and Ice Melt.

Sometimes a season can come and it is exactly what we expected and sometimes it can be very different. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.”

Jonathan and I have seen this playing out in our lives. Looking back we can see the season for our friendship, dating, and wedding. Now we have entered an unexpected season where we KNOW God is asking us to do something we hadn’t planned. God has been gently nudging Jonathan’s heart for a while to do worship ministry and that nudge has now turned into a good arm punch. I would also like to be a full time mom in the next couple years.

So…when God asks you to do something, you don’t just toss it to the back corner. You say, “Yes, Sir it is an honor! Take me wherever.” That is why February 26^thwill be our last Sunday at Woodland Hills. We feel confident in His supernatural timing and we see all the pieces fitting together.

The great part is that Woodland Hills is also entering a new season. Josh Straub, our recently hired Executive Pastor of Family Ministries, is stellar! He has great plans for our Student Ministries in the coming weeks and months. I would encourage you to spend some time chatting with him or any of the youth leaders about upcoming plans and ministry opportunities.

Thank you for your support of Woodland Hills Family Church and Jonathan and I through the past few years. Please pray for us as we make decisions and seek God’s perfect provision.

Angela Hill

January Newsletter

Hello Families,

There is something about the concept of NEW. When I hear the word NEW, the little connectors in my brain have a party. It is a very exciting word, and with it I usually tag phrases on like, “Who knows where this can go?” and “The possibilities are endless.” So, with that, Happy NEW Year.

To start off the year we will be in a series called, “Grow Up.” It asks us, in a very straight forward approach …

“How do you know you are growing in your faith?”

I think this message and a NEW Year can go hand in hand. What can be more important this New Year than being sure you are growing in the relationship that matters most? I hope you have time to investigate how you are changing, and you see that, with God, the possibilities of where you can go with Him this year are endless!

Angela Hill

Student Ministries Director

Talent Show Re-Cap

The 2nd Annual Talent Show was a hit again this year with many memorable acts. We had singers, board breakers, comedians, pogo sticks, and more. It was a great way to celebrate the end of the year. Our overall winner was Mackenzie Nutter who, we think, sounds better than Taylor Swift. We also had a contest for who wore the ugliest sweater and the winner was Christian Remienstaufer.

Here are a few pictures to remember this fun day!

November Is Here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October Update

Dear Families,
Sometimes it is really easy to all get to church and then head our separate ways. Then, after church with our stomach’s growling and our heads full we rarely revisit what each family members’ take-away from the morning was. In an effort to combat this I am going to be sending out a regular email letting you know what we are taking about on Sunday mornings in Junior High. Sound good?

We just started a series called, “Knowing God By Name.”

God has over 150 names! God’s names, like ours, have strong significance. Some of our names were given at birth but others describe our relationships and our purposes. When we learn these names for God we learn that “There is no other. He alone is God.” This is vital as have face-to-face encounters each day with people, things, and thoughts that tell us they can be our god.

Here are some great spiritual conversation starters for the month of October

Week 1: The word Yahweh means ‘Self Existent One.’ That means God is big enough; He needs no one or anything, and that includes us! How does that change the way we view serving God?

Week 2: Immanuel means ‘God is with us.’ We often feel very alone and that when bad things happen, it was because God chose to not be involved. How does this name prove otherwise?

Week 3: El Hakkadoesh means ‘Holy God.’ Holy means to be set apart and perfect. In fact, to emphasis how different He is from the rest of creation, God says it three times in a row in Rev 4:8. Take a few moments together to reflect on how uncommon God’s character is.

Week 4: Rachum Ve-Chanum means Merciful and Gracious. Sometimes these two words get confused. Mercy is not getting what we deserve. Grace is getting what we don’t deserve. One refers to a lack of punishment and one refers to receiving above and beyond. Sometimes we have a picture of God that he is ready to throw down the second we mess up, or that we have to earn every gift. When have you experienced mercy and grace?

Mission Arlington 2011

We had another great trip to Texas this year to work with a ministry that challenged us all a lot! Mission Arlington’s theme is to “take church to the people.” So they go out to different apartment complexes and start churches within in the community that is gathered there. We couldn’t believe how dedicated the people are and how much they trust God to take care of them!

Our main objective everyday was to have fun with kids. Not a hard job right? Especially because these kids were full of life and energy, even though it was 110 degrees. We told Bible stories, sang, and had some mean games of hop-scotch. Here is a recap of our time via photo tour.

Puppets were a big hit! They especially like the lion.

 

VBS formula was simple. Tarp + a teacher+ kids with energy + snacks = fun.

 

Facepaints were also a big hit, and WALL-E was one of the more challenging jobs.

 

 

Summer Schedule

Program these into your brain! You don’t want to miss even one!!!

How To Raise A Jerk

This is a picture of Eli. No, he is not a jerk. He just made a face that fit with our title. Eli is a typical eight-year-old growing up in a good home with parents who want to make sure he develops good character. But parenting any kid like Eli can be confusing.

Some leaders say too many who work hard at building children’s self-esteem are raising kids who will exhibit a lifestyle of entitlement and egotism. Other specialists say those who talk about children being innately bad are raising a generation that feels inferior and insignificant. Every expert has an opinion and it’s hard to know where the line actually is. Many promote their agenda by pushing the opposing opinion to the extreme.

One of the keys to parenting with balance is helping your children develop an attitude of humility. Every child has the potential to grow up and understand why it’s important to “put others first.” There is just a fine line between raising kids who have a healthy self-esteem and kids who are too egotistical. A life of arrogance that goes unchecked can result in a sad and lonely existence for someone, and frankly there are enough self-centered people around. How does someone develop an overinflated sense of self-worth and entitlement?

Here are a few ideas to help you effectively raise a jerk:

• Protect them from the consequences of their own mistakes.
• Make sure you do whatever they can do for themselves.
• Keep them away from anyone who thinks differently than they do.
• Try to give them everything they want.
• Tell them over and over again you just want them to be happy.
• Convince them that they are more special than other kids.
• Always take their side when they get in trouble with their teacher at school.
• Always take their side whenever they are in a conflict with a friend.
• Keep insisting that they are the best player on the team.
• Don’t give them consistent opportunities to help or serve other people.
• Never require them to do chores.
• Reinforce their prejudices about people from different cultures or backgrounds.
• Make your relationship with them more important than your relationship with your spouse.
• Rarely express genuine gratitude to those who help you.
• Teach them to talk more than they listen.
• Never let them hear you say “I was wrong. I am sorry.”

Maybe you can add a few ideas of your own… on how to raise a jerk.

* This article is written by Reggie Joiner with orangeparents.org

Canoe

We have the place. We have the time. We are going to do some canoeing! With all this water and beautiful scenery it is only right that we should take full advantage of where we live. We are going to head down to Ponca, Arkansas on the Buffalo River very close to Lost Valley. Some of the most beautiful views I have ever seen were on a hike in Lost Valley!

We will meet at the church Friday May 20th at 4pm and car pool down together just south of Harrison. We will eat dinner, play some games, have some worship, some fire ,some treats and some sleep at Ponca Bible Camp. It is a neat place with all sorts of big trees, and wilderness adventures. We will be sleeping indoors with running water, and air conditioning. If you want the real camping experience you can bring your tent and bear repellant.

Lost Valley

The next morning Saturday the 21st, we will wake up, make some flapjacks, and go for a canoe ride and hike. Depending on our group size we may split up into two groups and alternate activities. If for some reason canoeing is not available ( lots of rain, not enough rain) we will check out some more trails and maybe do some caving!  After we are throughly tired and our arms are achy we will pack up our cars and head back to Missouri. The plan is to be home around 7pm.

The cost for this trip is $25. You will need to sign up, pay, and fill out a waiver in the Youth Booth. When you sign up I will send you more info like a packing list and a detailed schedule.  Any parents, junior high, high school, or leaders are welcome to come! For questions please contact angela@woodhills.org.